This bush, you know, will be a perfect place to hide your fluorescent green spoon from those who would seek to tear you away from your beloved cereals.
You’ve seen them everywhere. They lurk around corners and behind mirrors; their shape obscured by shadows and their faces blurred by some sort of mind control technique. Their mission is singular: steal your tasty frosted corn bites and festive freeze-dried marshmallows.
For years they’ve hounded you – their speed is ferocious, their tenacity inexhaustible. You run from forest to city, mountain to beach, but always they find you. There is always somewhere to run, but there is never anywhere to hide.
You’ve become a master of disguise by any normal man’s rubric. You can blend in to any mountain bike race or surf competition. Impersonating a magician or commercial airline pilot is child’s play. No matter how ingenious your façade, though, you are always inevitably unmasked when they find you.
So for now, you give your spoon a kiss and bid it farewell, vowing to return for it when it’s finally safe. These horrible children may claim your cereal as their own, but the high-fructose is not theirs to deny you, and that sugary-sweet crunch will be yours once more.