The baby is crying and you do not know why.
You’ve tried everything.
You've presented him with a steak dinner; he refused to eat. Fucking vegans.
You’ve played him your favorite Slayer song, but he’s obviously got shit taste because he cried through the whole thing.
You’ve read him Noam Chomsky, but he continues to wail – he probably believes that U.S. imperialism is a good thing, the little shit.
The persistent screams keep you up at night. You’re not sure what day it is. You are contemplating suicide.
Your breasts refuse to produce milk for the child, possibly caused by the stress of the constant howls. It is also possibly because you are a man.
You are beginning to regret stealing this baby.